Saturday, March 28, 2009


Wednesday, March 25, 2009

So. Yes.

Spring break so far. getting better.
last night i went to the chumash with max and vince. i lost like $30 lol
im so bad but it was a really fun night. my mom was freakinggg out about me going to far so late. but eventually she was ok....kind of lol
and today i went to the mall with Anne. I really miss hanging out with her. I bought 2 shirts and a vest. Oh i love them!. i wish i had a ton of money lol.ok well thought id just say a little about my day so far. ill keep you updated.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

I Wish

I just wish he missed me the way i miss him.
I try and distract myself but find myself constantly checking my phone for txts or missed calls from him. I dont know how to get over this. and i dont want to because i want to still be with him. I just want him to come around. Greg I miss you. Youre my best friend. I miss our late night talks and napping with the tv on and even walking in on you wearing your dorky headset. I miss it all. I miss the feeling i got when I came back from class andyou were in my room already. I miss you txting me good morning everyday and I miss going to fast food places with you and i miss our trips to target and i miss you tucking me in. I miss everything. I know you miss me too. Im not letting this go until you tell me to.

Spring break is ok. Yesterday i went out with aunt angela cheanno my mom and jesse. cheanno and jesse make me both never want children. Then at night i hung out with maxi pad and vside. We went to in n out and to see confessions of a shopaholic. Serves them right for pressuring me into picking what we do lol. Oh and Max said he could possibly get me a job with his dad this summer. Im nervous though. I know nothing about advertising lol. and it would be sad to leave the rec dept because i love them so much but I have to really start thinking about a career and my ufture and i think this will be a really good start. We will see what i have to do and how much i get paid. Anyways, KIMBO is back . i love her. i cant wait to see her at her party on saturday. I am so excited to see everyone there. wish greg were going with me :[
When we were going out i told him for the party he should be "strong man" and wear a unitard with tennis balls in the arms....he proceeded to tell me how he didnt need tennis balls....I kissed him :[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[
I miss him. Greg you are a strong man without tennis balls and would be just way too cute in a unitard lol

ok well today I am going to my grandparents house. I havent seen them in a long time so it will be good. I think they should have their own tv show. They are insane lol. Not your typical grandparetns. ok well Im gonna go shower and get ready. Bye

and basically i have had this on repeat for the past month.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Spring Break Starting Off Strong!

So. Forget everything i said. i dont even remember what i said. im sure it was something along the lines of greg and i are prolly getting back together. obvi he doesnt want me. its been about a month. i should really fucking face it. He came over today to help me move some of my things and jump my car.....turns out my car is COMPLETELY dead. so it didnt jump and now im carless and now my mom has to come pick me up from college. lovely. Spring break is going to be amazing, but not at all because i will have no tv and most likely no internet. I will sit in my room and cry over the fact that i dont have greg anymore. Makes matters worse when i have no friends in ojai anymore. great. woo pring break 09. FUCK MY LIFE.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Life Changes.

Basically this blog of mine has been so debbie downer lately. I think i need to make a few changes in my life. i need to not sweat the small stuff (kim i need that book!) I really think i let little things get to me and ruin my mood. I think i need to start doing things on my own. Instead of complaining that ihave nothing to do, then going out and finding something to do. I dont know. Anways. my bestie comes back soooooon! I cant wait for her birthday where i can see both besties! at the same time! omg! bestie overload!! awesome. I love them. Kimbo i got my mime costume. Its kinda.....risque. im nervous. i want your opinion on it. Anyways. Cant wait to see you!

now, for greg and i.
We, i believe, are going to get back together. He just wants me to be happy. I think if i make my life changes i will be happy. I want to be happy with him. Hes so perfect for me. Like we have so much fun together when i dont bring down the mood or get in an arguement over something stupid. Anways last nigt we went to panda express and his fortune cookie said something like "you will take a risk on a desicion you have been needing to make" WOW CREEEEEPY
THEN! mine said "a wish will be granted soon" WTF. haha we were laughing so hard. because it was so weird. Well, Im gonna go study for the midterm i should have studied for yesterday lol.
Bye. and ILOVE YOU!

***one thing i wanna do before i die-have the ULTIMATE food fight.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Too Good To Be True.

I am such a fucking idiot to think for a second he wanted me again. I'm am embarrassed and disgusted with myself. I'm not worth anything. fuck this all. I want it all to be OVER.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

HAPPY!...thats a word i havent used in awhile!

Sooo let me tell you a story.eeek im so excited and happy right now!
ok so yesterday i invited greg over to watch borat. so he came over and we sat on the bed but far from eachother. i could help it so i started to scoot a little closer. i could tell i was making him nervous but that def did not stop me. so i got really close to his face and told him to kiss me....all he could say was idk, idk this is a hard story to explain. ill get to the point. after asking him to kiss me a few seconds later he just grabs the back of my neck and pulls me close to him and kisses me. probably the most romantic kiss of my lifetime. so we are still in limbo but we are getting close to normal. this story is not as cool as it was in real life. anyways. casino today! yessssssssss. i hope i win!'


Thursday, March 12, 2009

Fuck Loneliness

I don't even know why i try. or bother.
no hope
no friends
no invites
whatever. ill have to be content with being alone.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


Whyyy does it feel like Im back in high school. In fact, I dont think I even had this much drama in high school ever. Everyone i feel is so fake. talk shit behind everyones back the second they leave the room then act like their bestie the next minute. Makes me wonder what they think about me. Although i did hear part of what they talk about me. Apparently they say im boring because i dont drink but honestly haha that makes me laugh because how embarassing is it to think someone is lame because they dont not the way wasting hours throwing a dirty ping pong ball into a red cup. FUCK I WISH I WERE THAT COOL.....but not at all. I wanna be with my besties who dance in the streets and dress up and have fun no mattttter what. Fuck Fakes. They'll be bored once they are out of college and realize they are boring people. Ill still be dancing. Fuck i hate girls.

Anyways, now the situation with Greg and I. So we kinda talk now. Only through txts. which i hate. only little things like whats up which i hate. I havent seen him in a week. which i hate also. I guess hes moving on. I should too. :[
I dont want to:[

Alright well....still broken hearted.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

I still just don't feel right....

So Greg and I are now talking again. Long story. We are friends and will stay that way I suppose. I'm happy we are friends because I really just think we are so good together, not only as boyfriend/girlfriend but just as friends too. Freshman year was the best time of my life because of him so it should be good. Its weird though, I still have a really sick feeling in my stomach. I dont know. I guess thats normal. I just feel like a huge part of me is missing and I dont know how to fill it. I guess time can only heal this feeling. I wish i could fast forward to Summer. Well, i have to go finish reading for a group meeting i have at one.

Friday, March 6, 2009

I finally smiled today

Wow. Ok,. so today went nothing like i thought it would. As you may have read in my blog from this morning, i thought i was going to LA to see a movie and a possible wrestling show. Well, on our way to the movies in LA i said we should go to the imax theater at city walk and then just go to universal instead. This ofcourse was a joke and i say it everytime we go to LA or pass Universal studios. Well vince got off the exit to universal and i was like reallly confused. So I was excited they changed their mind and wanted to see the movie at city walk. we get to city walk and we are eating at panda express when max goes downstairs to pick up the tickets on will call. So i figure they had it all planned since the tickets were on will call at the thater in city walk. Max comes back upstairs and hands up each a piece of paper. I assume its the movie ticket and i put it in my purse. Then max asks "Do you want your movie ticket also?" I was really confused at this point because he had just given it to me. He then tells me to read the paper he just gave me. Turns out, he actually got me a ticket to universal studios! and we were gonna go! OMG I was so excited! ok and i just wrote out the rest of this blog and my amazing story but it got deleted and didnt save. so just know, the moral of the story is i had a lot of fun today. the end

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Almost Midnight Rant

So I just got out of the shower and thought i would do a quick blog before i went to sleep. I'm pretty sure this past week and a half has been one of the most roller coaster times of my life. I think i have learned a lot about myself throughout it though. It makes me still sick to think of how you talked to me that night, but I am proud that i am strong enough to not crawl back. You were my rock. The one person i felt was there for me in my time of need. The other night, you just reminded me why i did what i did. Even as my friend, you let me suffer as you play your games. I hope that you realllly think about your loss. because trust me, its a BIG one. I hope you can find someone half as good as i am. good luck, you'll need it. Even as a friend, i was always there for you and i know i never would have left you how you left me. Think about it. Now, lets change the subject shall we? Tomorrow I am going to LA with Maxi Pad and VsideVince to see Watchmen in an Imax theater. I'm excited. Ive only seen one Imax movie before aand it was some lame canadian rock climbing movie. After the movie, i suppose we are going to some wrestling thing but i dunno, i just go along for the ride. Im exciteddd. Fuck but after tomorrow, its going to be a hell weekend. Lets see what my plans are for the week. I have readings i need to read, a movie i need to watch, an 8 page Lit/Bus paper, a presentation, a midterm, and an economics test all due next week. Once next week is over then im basically home free until spring break! woo! except for some stupid 2 page paper on an accounting book...So pointless. Anyways, goodnight....Oh, and if YOURE still reading more goodnight txts from me. or goodnight kisses...again...have fun with WOW, getting tired of your troll yet??

One thing i want to do before i die- Go to Italy with my Dad.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

I'm sure World of Warcraft will still make you happy like I did.

I hope you soon realize that all you have left now is your WOW character. I deserve better than that. How could you hurt someone so badly who you loved for so long. It doesnt make sense to me. To listen to my voice over the phone while crying and asking you to be there for me, you have the nerve to say WOW is more important. If thats the case, then i hope you and WOW are very happy. and I hope WOW buys you chipotle, and kisses you before you fall asleep, and holds your hand in the car, and plays games with you, and dances for you, and is proud of you because Im not there to do that for you any longer.I gave you a choice and you blew it, thanks for yelling at me last night. Showed me who you really are and showed me what i really deserve. I hope youre happy. I will soon be.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Still Broken Hearted

I should just give up. It hurts the most when someone has to question if they love you. I always thought love was something you just feel and you just know. That's how i feel about it. I guess I'm not special enough to anyone to be loved like that. I'm just noone special and it hurts because all i want is to be that special someone for him. This hurts too much to continue loving someone who doesn't know what they want. My heart rebreaks every minute. I have to carry on with my life and leave him be. Im sorry for loving you. Im sorry for everything. I deserve this.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Hard to Resist

Why is it that every time i see you, i fall back in love. I can't help it.

Sunday, March 1, 2009

who gives a shit. It's all the same

You say you care, but you left me sit here alone crying. No shoulder to lean on. No one to talk to. No one understands. You say you love me, but you need time. I deleted your phone number. Im not going to wait forever. You'll be sad when I'm gone. You'll realize just like i realized. I poured my heart out and you let it hit the ground. I feel sick. Why is this happening to me, Do i not deserve happiness? ever? Why? I hate this. You fucking deal with it now. Just know... I;m not fucking crawling back to you. You come back to me.

Fuck My Life.
This hurts so bad. I know youre tired of hearing it. I dont care. Dont read this then. Greg I want to be with you. Last night, I just wanted to hold you and be your best friend and your girlfriend and your everything. You know i love you and i always will. I knwo you feel the same.
enough of this. back to my stupid paper.

feel better Greg. Happy Birthday. I hope you love the gifts i got you.
Use them wisely.


West Coast by Coconut Records

For a second there i thought you disappeared
It rains a lot this time of year
And we both go together if one falls down
I talk out loud like you're still around
No noo
And i miss you (ooooh')
I'm goin back home to the west coast
I wish you woulda put yourself in my suitcase
I love you
Standin all alone in a black coat

I miss you

I'm goin back home to the west coast
And if you shake her heart enough she will appear
Tonight i think i'll be stayin here
And you never did like this town
I talk out loud like you're still around
No nooo
And i miss you (ooooh')
I'm goin back home to the west coast
I wish you woulda put yourself in my suitcase
I love you
Standin all alone in a black coat

I miss you

I'm goin back home to the west coast
Come on everybody

Lalalalaaaa, lalalalaaa
Lalalalaaaa, lalalalaaa

So pack up the bags to beat back the clock
Do i let her sleep or should i wake her up
You said
We both go together if one falls down
Yeah right, heh
I talk out loud like you're still around
No noo
And i miss you (ooooh')
I m goin back home to the west coast
I wish you woulda put yourself in my suitcase
I love you
Standin all alone in a black coat

I miss you

I'm goin back home to the west coast

I dont care what you think

I love him. PERIOD.

Lets make it work Greg...please.