Sunday, April 26, 2009

Its not complicated anymore

So I guess i kind of ended it again. I think its just the fact that If he doesnt know whether he wants me or not, thats an obvious sign. I deserve a guy who knows that he loves me and knows he wants to be with me someone who CANT be without me. whatever i know theres someone out there for me. im done crying over this. Greg if youre reading this im sorry, good luck finding someone better. really.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

hi again.

It been awhile huh?
Ive been so busy. Life update. I have no idea what Greg and I are considered. I suppose the best way I can describe it is "Its complicated". I never knew what that meant before. I want to be there as a best friend but i feel as if he doesnt even give me a chance to do that. I call him to just talk about my night or hear about his night and i leave a msg but i never get a call back. I dont know. I cant get mad though because maybe he is still thinking. Its just the weirdest thing, trying to fix something that I have no control over and theres nothing I can do to fix it. :\
Its the hardest thing. School is coming to an end. about 3 weeks left. As my best friend, I dont want to not hang out with him that much because over summer we probably wont see eachother as much as it hurts to say that. I hope nichole stays in Ojai this summer. It would keep me distracted from this all because its hard when I have so many nights alone here and no one at all to talk to. except myself. ew how depressing. Lets change this all around. Im gonna talk about the things that are going alright right now. Last night I hung out with a friend I met in my econ class. We went to a kind of punk show tht her boyfriend was playing in. I met a lot of her friends. everyone was so nice and so hilarious. I had a lot of fun. hmmm...OH! I got my car fixed :] Makes everything so much better. Just knowing that Im not restricted to stay here anymore. Not much else i suppose :\
keep you updated. bye

**One thing I want to do before I die-see a television show be filmed live.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Its not hard to do something special

yet, it would shock me for him to even answer the phone.

i use to say i feel alone in a crowded room. Now there is no crowd. just loneliness. I only need one person to be here to make me feel complete. Sure, watch your baseball and do your homework, go to bars and drink, but why not call me to tell me you miss me? maybe im asking for too much. Maybe hes just not that into me anymore. what can i do? have any advice?
everyone seems to get what they want. not me. never really. i always thought good things happen to good people. maybe my day hasnt come yet. i have to remind myself that things will get better for me. I will be with people i love and with people who love me back. im sick of this scene. im sick of being talked about because of choices i make. im sick of feeling unloved by people who claim to love me the most. im thankful yet i cant help but be so sad. sad that i cant convince him to spend the night with me over going to a bar. ok. im done.

Saturday, April 11, 2009


So I have some good news. Greg and I have been back together now since the 22nd. He asked me out again and i couldnt be happier. So let me update you a little bit on how my life has been since then. School is getting so intense. I have about 3 20 page papers due 4 group projects essays homeworks exams ughhh its getting hard. I cant wait for the semester to be over. Oh! and i got a new job too. Max's dad hired me at his advertising company. I am basically going to be a crazy insane baller this summer. He said he could get me a salary by summer! woah.! lol and that job will also count as an internship at school so i am so excited i get to get paid while get school credit for it. Man, one more year of collge is so scary to think about, but i feel like i am heading inthe right direction with this new job. It will look great on resumes when I start applying at production companies in LA. Max's dad said he knows a lot of people too so im sure he could hook me up with some connections. Its exciting. I made my schedule of classes for next semester. 21 units. ew. yea. lets see what i have
-Business Drug Discovery
-Business Statistics
-Intro to Marketing
-history of business
-and the internship class

Im going to die! haha thats so crazy. Im taking 18 units this semester and i feel like its a huge workload. Well we will see how it turns out.

so now lets talk about greg and i. Hes so cute. I just love him
we havent had a lot of time to really just hang out because of school and now easter and everything but i hope in the summer ill have a car that runs and i can visit him and he can visit me. I really want to become closer with his family and i want my family to get to know him. Long distance relationships are so hard. i feel like i am missing out on knowing a HUGE part of his life. but i am excited about getting to know them better. Anyways, til next time. <3

**One thing i want to do before i die- receive a room full of flowers.