Monday, May 25, 2009

Life update

So, Greg and i have been talking for about 3 days now and have yet to be in one argument, other than the fact that he bailed on me last night for a late night talk :\
that's ok though, he has no obligation to me.
so some things going on right now. We finally got our renter out of the house. we had him evicted on friday. Its unbelievable what he did to our apartment. The place was A MESS. pot leaves were everywhere! alllll over the balcony and inside the house. So sad that he had children living with him up there. He had porn cards for like hookers on his desk with condoms and lube right next to them. so disgusting. and the toilet was clogged and ugh, its just a horrible mess. Its so sad to watch my mom cry because they spend the rest of their money on that all to be destroyed by a guy who had no consideration and never paid the rent. At least he is gone now.
So my job, i was so excited for it but now im just worried i wont be making money so i might be going back to the rec dept for a second job. I ran into Sophocles at the mall and he said anytime i want to go back I can. I dont know, i dont want to just ruin this oppurtunity but im really in need of money. My mom said our house is going to be foreclosed probably in July. I dont know what we are gonna do but i desperatly need money. We'll see how things go. :\
Things have just been really bad lately, Im waiting for them to get good.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Hopefully, Im sick of hearing that word.

This blog is basically turning in to a break up diary and i hate that. when i strted it i was so happy. breakups should not last 3 months. everyone i talk to says "get it through your skull, if he wanted you he would be with you" and i kind of believe it but i believe what hes saying too but i just dont understand it because i know when i want somehting i will be doing everything in my power for it to happen. so its summer vacation now, im back home. i have no friends here and the kids in hueneme who i thought i was close to dont call and ask me over. i feel bad that im so bitter that everyone is having so much fun, but i get jealous when i hear about everyones night and how awesomeeee and EPIC it was while i was sitting at home crying my eyes out. again. idk, i figure my life is sucking sooo hard this year that something AMAZING has to be thrown my way soon yea? fuuck, im talking to a friend right now and literally all she can say is "i cant believe how much fun last night was" and "omg last night was epic you have no idea" cool,. well, um
fuck it.
and now i have to start work, that im not even getting paid for hourly. so theres another thing that fucking sucks. and also the fact that tuition got raised by 10% and now i owe $200 added on the the $2000 i just paid, and now literally my bank account is at $0, hmm so lets think about my plans for this weekend....friday i work, saturday sunday im cleaning the entire house for my mom. wow im so fuck awesome its sickening.

this was the song i was balling my eyes out to last night.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Who am I kidding?

I'm so in love
ok, so ive come to the conclusion that i have to move on. I never really thought about moving on completely because i assumed we would get back together, but i cant force someone to be in love with me. if he realizes that he loves me still, then i dont know, but as of right now, things are quite over. Summer will be good for us because we wont see eachother and we'll both be busy working and whatnot. i have to just respect the fact that he doesnt want a relationship. we both want different things. We'll see where this takes us.

Saturday, May 2, 2009


I have 960 views on this and no one ever comments. Im curious, who reads this?? Comment here if you are reading this right now! thanks


Friday, May 1, 2009


I am so just fed up with all of this shit. i hate stupid bitches who do shit to just be bitches. i hate girls
i hate boys
i fucking hate this shit. im so much better than all this. cant wait until summer. hopefully ill meet some decent people. I just dont understand why the fuck she has to say shit to him. she never said anything to him before, now all of a sudden she sparks a fucking interest in him? fuck that
whatever its him too, never invites me although I'm his "best friend" ha yea ok. cause i really believe that. i dont understand what hes thinking, when hes sitting htere at a party at his house with her sitting by his side instead of me. what the fuck is going through your head. makes me sick. the idea of any other girl by his side. ugh fuck ew. whatever i hope she knows that he has no interest in her. and if he does, then fucking have fun with that shit, so gross. if you need time to figure stuff out, does that really require you to get drunk with stupid bitches who are constantly on top of you? does it? i dont think so. how would you feel if i was getting drunk late at night with a guy. i dont think youd like it much. but who fucking cares. we're not together so dont worry about me. dont worry about me at all. Ill be fine, its you who has to worry about finding someone who will never be better than me,.in any way.