Tuesday, June 2, 2009
I hope I didnt make a mistake.
ok, well, lemme just tell you i guess. The past few days have been weird. I got asked out on a date. I told the guy i would like to hang out with him but not be a date he said yea. So he picked me up and we went to the movies and got ice cream, he paid....well, it was a date. I had fun,but i felt guilty for having fun. Greg and i had been trying to work on things for the past two weeeks but i think things were going too slow for me because i felt greg just didnt want me right now, and that hurt. So that night, the guy asked me on a second date, i told him idk yet because i had to talk to greg. The next night i met with greg at chipotle in ventura. I had high hopes that he might consider it a date and pick mee up and pay and be all sweet, but he didnt. i mean he was sweet, as he always is, but idk, i felt like i was forcing it all. forcing him asking me on a date, forcing a kiss, forcing everything. idk, so then i guess we settled that he would ask me on a date in a couple of days. we left that night just fine. it was the drive home that killed me. i called chris to decline the date and deep down i felt sad and felt as if i would miss out on something if i didnt see what was out there. i couldnt sleep all night, all i could think about was how regretful i was and how i knew i couldnt go on a date with greg knowing how i felt about declining the date. today was the worse though. having to tell greg that i felt i needed to go on a date with someone else, made me beyond sick to my stomach. i cried and cried but realized if its meant to be then it will be and i truely believe that. i dont want greg to never give me a chance again if i realize that we really were perfect for eachother, but i need to see if that is true. so, chris asked me on a date for tmro night and i accepted. we are going to a restaurant on maint st. in ventura. im so awkward at restaurants with people i barely know idk how much ill like that. so awkward with paying and all that. i am saying idk a lot, i feel like im regretting all THIS now, but i just know that this is what i have to do. test the waters. i wish life were easier sometimes. i guess ill blog about it after i go. im gonna give this some time. let things take their course. we will see. Everything will be okay in the end, and if they arent okay, then its not the end.