Friday, August 28, 2009


So school has started and not a lot has happened. My classes are ok. Something exciting that happened was Chris was able to come back for a couple of days after Utah instead of leaving straight to europe. So he stayed here with me for a couple of nights. I wish i didnt have class so i could have spent more time with him, but it was amazing when he was here. A couple of days ago when we woke up he turned to me and i could barely keep my eyes open until he said "baby...." and i looked up at him and he said the words" i love you." I cant explain the feeling i felt when he said that to me because i had been feeling the same way for a bit of time. it was perfect and i said it back. we cant say it enough now. but then he had to leave and it was hard. he is now in france racing and has no internet and it not able to call because its so expensive. this is going to be so incredibly hard but will be worth it when he is back. Besides that, i feel so extremely alone here. no one lives on campus except steph and i and steph is alwayssss gone. like always. i feel unwanted. i thought when i came to school greg and i would hang out so much more. yea, ok. He's just like everyone else now. i guess he doesnt have an obligation to hang out with me but i would think he;d want to considering we are "besties" yea, sure greg. i feel so different from everyone here. i need to find people who are like me. i spend probably 70% of my time in my room alone and 25% in class and the rest maybe i will hang out with someone. I went to the mall with judy anne eddie andrew and diana yesterday. we stayed for like 20 minutes it sucked. i dont know what the point was but i felt left out. anne said "i have been calling stephanie alllll week like a million times to see if she can hang out and she is always busy" all i could think was 'why hasnt she called me?' I dont know, im getting over it. very very much so. and now chris has no internet so we cant talk other than txt msg but he is gonna be racing so he can barely do that. maybe i should give him a little space. i dint know. im so lost. so sad. and so alone. if you are reading this, please come here and save me.


*** one thing i wanna do before i die- go to a psychic

Saturday, August 22, 2009

All moved in

So I moved in today to the dorms. It was stressful but greg was there to help me which was SOOOOO helpful. I was reallly happy he did that for me. I think i kind of had high hopes for this move in. I thought steph and i would be stoked to be living together. she didnt even stay the night tonight! our other roomie, whom we have never ever met or talked to, has not shown up. so i am alone in this apartment which is scary and no fun. after i moved evrything in my room, we went back to gregs house for a "kickback" aka party. I really just hate parties. I dont get the fun in standing around watching people play beer pong. I dunno, maybe im just lame, but i want someone here with me who will be lame with me. Greg didnt even hang out with me the whole time. I wish i could be more like him and not care about the situation but i cant help myself. I cant wait til Chris comes back. I am so excited to just finally be back with my baby. It will be fun to have sleepovers with him. We hve so much fun doing the lamest things i love it lol and we dont just sit around and watch tv all the time. its really great. man, i am tired tho. I left the party early and got to the dorms and took a hot bath. felt soo nice! but im gonna go to sleep now. Good Night.

****-one thing i wanna do before I die- have a song written and performed just for me.

(i dont knwo if i repeat these wanna do before i die things on here so cut me some slack)

Thursday, August 20, 2009


I dont know how to start this blog. I think i have too many thoughts in my head to even get them in order to blog about. moving to the dorms tmro. im excited but stressed out. its so stressful. ive been packing since about 8 and its weird. finding old pictures of greg and i and finding the rough draft of the "reasons why i love you" i made for him. i started to cry. its not that i have feelings for greg like that anymore and im really happy with chris but i think its like it was such a big part of my life and its all changed now and its just weird. like that person who you share so many moments with, is now just another person and youre just another person to them. i mean greg isnt just another person to me, he was my first love first for a lot of things. and he is still my best friend. He treats me like im just another person to him though ending our phone conversations with "see ya" or "ttyl". just different i suppose, something i need to get use to. i think ive been super emotinal lately. i really miss Chris and its so hard to stay happy when he is gone and at times i dont feel like he is feeling the same way although he comletely argues against that. (ps-this blog will prolly hve a lot of typos because my nails are super long) anyways, im very stressed and very sad that Chris is gone. Sometimes, he says the sweetest things though. He is always reassuring me that things will be better than ever once he is back. he promised me like he actually said "I promise you baby, things will be better than ever once im back with you" and i love to hear that. 40 days...its just uch a long time. Its too long i think. im so tired now though. Good night, you.


***Something i wanna do before i die- gandala ride in Italy.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

The Days need to fly by!

I havent blogged in awhile so i decided to do a quick one before i go back to sleep lol. Chris left on the 9th. It sucks so bad. I really miss him. Today is our 2 monthiversary. I wish we could celebrate it together. Right now he is in Utah training and then next week he is racing inthe Tour of Utah. Then, if he does well in the Tour of Utah, he is going to Europe on the 24th. We talk on the phone and skype ever night, but once he is in europe, then we wont be able to talk on the phone and skyping withh be more difficult because of the huge time difference. Its only a month but when you like someone so much, a month seems like a year. He said he will mail me postcards but those will take probably a week to get to me. Im so excited for him to be back already and he hasnt even left the country yet! lol. I cant wait to see him when he's back. He is thinking about doing the last two Thursday night Crits in Camarillo when he is back too which would be awesome because i loved watching him train. Its extremely impressive and I like cheering him on.

I move in to the dorms on friday. Went by pretty fast.l I cant believe its move in day already. 22 possibly 23 units this semester. gonna be crazy. hope i can hack it lol. im nervous but im not super worried. lsat semester i did 18 units and i didnt think it was bad at all. i never felt super stressed out or anything. i cant believe it is my last year in college. i feel like i just got here. it makes me sick to think that after this, it all realllly begins. Im so excited for the future and Im even more excited to spend my future with Chris. Its ridiculous, we have only been together for 2 months yet i feel this insane connection with him. we can just have the best time doing nothing. We literlly spent like and hour and a half playing with cheerios last week haha. just throwing them into eachothers mouths and seeing who could catch the highest throws. he is just the most fun and everytime we hang out we just have more and more fun. each time tops the last time we hung out. i can literaly sit here all day and talk about him but i dont want to bore who ever is reading this, if anyone even does read it! lol

im so happy and im so excited for life!!!!

Friday, August 7, 2009


OK so lately ive been so happy. Chris has been back and we hang out everyday of course. He's so sweet. we went to see 500 days of summer in santa barbara the other day and then we went to the beach and he showed off his skim boarding skills. then we went to carls jr for a portabella mushroom burger. so good! oh man and last night was soooooo fun! Maria and I went to Camarillo to watch chris race in the thursday night chris. he won of course haha. it was amazing to watch him race. i guess he is a pro for a reason. he was like 4 minutes ahead of the rest of the group. afterwards he was talking to the other riders and he waved me to come over. so we went over there and it was so cute. he introduced me to all of his friends and he was just so proud of me. it was adorable. he wasnt embarassed or anything. he was kissing me and holding me in front of everyone. i love it. im so proud of him and im so proud to be his. today we are going to the fair! we're going with Chance, Eric and Corey. they are all of Chris' friends. theyre all really cool so the fair should be a ton of fun. deep fried twinkies! woo lol. Chris is riding right now for 5 hours. i hated having to leave him at 730 this morning. we just wanted to cuddle all morning. i love waking up to someone who showers me with kisses and tells me im beautiful. he's so sweet. wow, so happpppy!!!!! ok, im gonna go. ill update my life later.byeee