Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Someone You Use to Know.

It was helpless anyway
There's nothing much we could do or say
Darling don't you think it's a shame?
that it had to end this way

So here's to say goodbye,
our love is lost, and we cant figure why
maybe it really is about time
that we finally made up our minds

So Darling, here's to you
i hope that when you find someone new
that she would always be true to you
to love and understand you

Soon you'll build new memories
then slowly you'd forget about me
then i would slowly be
a distant memory

*Soon i'll just be
that someone you used to know
But darling you will thank me
for letting you go
time is not for wasting
i hope you'll find your intended
But i'm sorry
that your intended isn't me

it's not an easy thing
to shake off our history
i know that's what you want from me
but they will always stay with me

i admit i made mistakes
but darling with you it's just the same
if we stay there will be more to make
i dont know how much more we can take

Darling, it would be unfair
to stay with something no longer there
but it doesn't mean i no longer care
but i'd feel like a burden you can't bear

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Some people are so typical

words can not express how incredibly pissed i am right now. ugh. this whole fucking week i had been asking greg if he wanted to play tennis and he always said maybe maybe maybe and last night he said probably so i was excited and now he is saying he is too tired to play but oh i guess hes not too tired to go to a fucking party. and it sucks because i guess i cant be mad because we arent together but thats still fucked up to do to someone who is supposedly your best friend. fuck that. im so pissed. greg if you are reading this then i hope you have fun getting drunk with brandy instead of playing tennis with a girl who has self respect. i just have to keep looking forward. 4 days 4 days. everything will be good in 4 days. fuck everyone else. i just need my baby. 4days.

Monday, September 21, 2009


It is sad to be left out. Thats how i have always felt. Ever since I was young. I never felt part of a group. Ive always wanted that. to just be a person that everyone calls. I feel like i lost greg and anne as my best friends. They hang out with eachother everynight with eddie and drew. and thats cool and all but i want to be there. i want to be a part of those roomies. I feel as if they could care less that im not there. I guess its this lonliness is getting to me. i had a long convo with sammy today. she feels how i do because her and eddie use to be besties but she at least has alex. i have no one. i feel so desperate begging people to hang out with me, makes me so sad i want to cry. I cant wait for Chris to be here because he will actually want to be with me. I want to feel wanted again. I hate that what I had before, is gone. and forgotten. and those people dont care. greg says that i dont know what im talking about. that we hang out a lot. i wish i could feel that way. i feel bad i cant see what he sees. it's just i guess i expect so much and get barely anything. :[
Anne greg drew and friends now. not me. :[ they are planning on having a group costume for halloween....not with me. they go on bike rides together. i sit here alone. ok i dont wanna depress myself so night.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Its cold.

Ive been procrastinating on my finance studying and hw all day. I got some done. I am so cold. Wish Chris was here to cuddle me. I am so excited for him to get back. Things will be so amazing. Ill have that one person who wants to be with me and that one person i want to be with. I want all of my friends to meet him, but i dont know how that is going to happen. I wanna invite some people to the crit race cause i love going to them. Diana said she for sure wanted to go so that would be cool. Man, all i want to do is going to bed and be all warm in my blankets! wow, um change of subject, i just got a msg from anne saying i cause drama in her house last week and she doesnt want that in her house. um. ok. next time ill fucking just leave. im so over this. i want Chris. I want him back :[

I dont know what is it

Sometimes Ijust dont get why I care so much. Why can't i let him be happy, the same way he has let me be happy. He was my best friend. until i realized thats not what he wants. he cant be my best friend. i love him. Im not in love with him but i do love him and he will always have a piece of my heart. he was my first love. my first everything. i want him to be happy, but its weird that its not me anymore that makes him happy. I guess it makes me sick to think that he will be looking into her eyes telling her she is the most beautiful girl he has ever laid eyes on. or that he loves the way her skin feels or that her voice in his ears in her favorite. Im starting to not believe in love anymore. you can say "I iwll love you forver" and then the next saying it to someone completely different. i feel i love Chris i really do, but who is to say that feeling will last forver. I dont know what else to write here. but i do know there are a billion more thoughts running in my head.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

I need to realize these things

I honestly am the luckiest girl. I know iknow all girls who are with their boyfriends think they are the luckiest, but really they have no clue. I have this guy. Chris. Who, in the small amount of time we have been together, has been the greatest thing that could happen to me. Everything I have ever wanted. he is.

he cooks
hes romantic
hes sexy
he takes charge, but still lets me when I want to
he is driven
hes smart
hes funny
he wants to go on adventures
hes in shape
he is just perfect.

Sometimes I forget this, because he is gone for so long. When he gets here it will all rush back to me. the second I am perfectly in his arms again. the second we get to kiss and the second we get to fall asleep together again. We have so many things we want to do when he gets back. Camping on the beach and finally sleeping under the stars! cooking dinner everynight. going to see district 9. romantic date on the Santa Monica Pier. Trips to Mammoth and SD and SF and Monterey. So many things I am excited to do and I cannot wait to do it with the ONE person I love. more than anything.


-One thing I want to do before I die-Have my dad walk me down the aisle.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Ugh, never again.

Well, that's it. I drink now. ugh. Im gonna puke thinking about it. My birthday was fun at candlelight. just my friends. no hangover. perfect. but last night....not OK. the night started out ok. Going to the bar with my friends for the first time. I met at Annes house and it was me greg anne drew eddie mike andrew. we tarted drinkign and dancing and it was super fun. but then we went to the bar. i was so drunk. when i got there we were having fun. my night turned sour when i saw Greg all over a girl who in my opinion is not the classiest, ironic considering I was the girl who was wasted in the bar.i dont even know why i should give a shit. i wasnt upset when greg told me about kaylani, but with this girl its different. i think it was the fact that he was doing it right next to me. anyways. we left the bar and walked home and i didnt get to sleep until 4am and woke up at 6am still completely drunk.i couldnt go to work and i couldnt go gto my internship. i was so nauseous. i then fell back asleep at 10 and woke up at 4 and went o carls jr. I am still not feeling very nice and I have a shit ton of hw i need to do. ugh. i really need chris to get back. this is too hard.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Wow, this was definitely my week

So this week a lot has happened. Last week I sent in my resume to the Fitzgerald Hartley Music Co. and on Tuesday I called them to see if they recieved it and he offered me an interview the next day! So then wednesday I went and met with Jamie Hartley and he was super nice and offered me the internship at the end of the interview! iw as so excited! Then I got a 9/10 on my finance quiz and then I aced my marketing quiz. oh! and last night i made friends! i hung out with the guys from across the hall and i did it all on my own which is scary but we had fun playing wii til like 12:30 but shit its been so hot. anyways thought i would update you. oh and im going to my first day of the internship at 2! eek im nervous! ok ok byeee

one thing i want to do before i die-Own a house