Thursday, November 12, 2009

Honestly, why do i bother?

I try so hard to be nice and be a good person. But all these people who i thought were my friends think Im the bad guy because of "what I did to Greg". I think taht is so stupid. I feel Greg and I were both equally hurt in our situation and I feel it is so incredibly unfair that I look like I was the only one who did the hurting. I never wanted to hurt Greg and that day I hurt him I can never forget and it will crush me forever, but everyone thinks i hurt him on purpose. No one calls me. and when i make plans with them, they carry on the plans without me. I dont get a phone call from them when they do get togethers. Everyone is going to vegas. I want to go, and i am, but i am kind of forcing myself on to them. they say they dont want me in their car because i cause,,,, never in my life have i been the dramatic one. ever. but wahtever., Fuck, and i swear i think my roommate is stealing from me. I lost my neckclace that chris gave me, a bottle of lotion, 3 eyeliners, and now $80 from my wallet. That $80 was going to pay for vegas hotel and now i dont know if i can afford it. I setting up a webcam today to catch them. Im so furious i cant even express how mad I am. The other day I broke down crying when greg came over. He basically was saying how people think im the bad guy. Great. Me, the bad guy...i never thought i would be a bad guy. Ivfe always beeen a good girl. always. Well , im thinking i need a big change. Some new friends who don't think im a bad guy. Last night i stayed at Chance's house which is where Chris lives now. We all ate dinner together and went on a night bike ride and they were teaching me tricks. Thats the kind of fun i miss and im so happy i get to hang out with new people. I really love hanging out with them.. We started playing limbo in the backyard and we were lauhging hysterically. Fun without alcohol. thats what i miss. all my friends from school, all they do is get drunk. play beer pong, oh stuff....but not at all. Im excited to hang out with chris and his friends more but still sad that i am losing friendships that ive had all of college. Well, ill take things one day at a time. try and stay positive. I hope you are happy. i really do.

**One thing i wanna do before I die-go backstage at a live event.

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